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Greatest shit stories ever told part 6

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    Greatest shit stories ever told part 6

    I’m going to wait on my stories since the last GN until I can write them all down. Please someone else start this fire.

    one hint through is it was from St Petersburg Russia

    #2
    Oh, I have a GREAT shit story. I'm thrilled that this will be my first real post on the new GN...

    So, I'm playing in a really good band in the late 90s that shall remain nameless to protect the guilty. My dear friend and one of the guitar players has a brother -- we call him Mookie. So, we're playing a big show in Albany and Mook is there. Mookie has a few drinks. Then, a few more. Then, more than that. We play our set, and by the time we get off the stage, Mookie is gone. We're wondering where he went, but he does have a tendency to drink and ghost, so we just assumed it was that and got on with the night.

    The next morning, Guitar Player checks his phone and there are a half-dozen or more messages from Mook from about 1 am to about 5 am. They start out fairly calm: "Hey man, it's Mook -- I need your help right away. Can you call me back?" But, the messages get progressively panicked until he's basically crying and freaking out: "DUDE, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??? I'M SO FUCKED! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

    Guitar Player is now very nervous and wondering WTF happened to his brother. He calls Mookie. Straight to voicemail. He calls all of us. He calls other friends. He calls the bar. Nobody has seen or heard from Mookie. Until he gets a call from his father who lives two hours away: "Um, do you know why I woke up this morning to a trail of shit-soaked clothing from the garage to the living room and why Mookie is passed out naked on the couch?"

    Turns out that, during our set, Mookie headed to the bathroom to take a leak. While squeezing the lemon, he thought he'd sneak a fart but actually wound up shitting himself completely. In his words, "Dude, it was like a volcano. HOT LAVA." It soaked his pants. It ran down his leg and into his shoes. It stank. He ran.

    Ultimately, he found an acquaintance from the town he grew up in who was heading home that night and agreed to let him ride in the bed of his pickup which is how he got two hours away. Amazingly, this is not the most outrageous story I know about Mookie, but it's the only one that has to do with shit, so there you go.

    E-Dog, you're welcome.

    Comment


    • Skiaz4free
      Skiaz4free commented
      Editing a comment
      The Great Mookie Dookie!

    #3
    I have a pretty good constitution but one time I’d eaten something that didn’t agree with me and found myself walking our dog in the green belt near our house with my wife and her boss. I’d been holding it in but realised that it was only a matter of a few moments before it was all going to go mount Vesuvius down south. So I explained that I really needed to get to a rest room and that I’d jog on ahead to get home (really casual like). So I jogged about 50m up the path, gave a little wave to them as I rounded the corner (almost sharting my pants as I turned) and then jumped the hedge pulled down my pants and proceeded to do the deed. 50m isn’t very far.. and they were on my location faster than I was done so I stayed still and waited for them to pass by on the other side of the hedge. I hear my wife’s boss say “man he runs fast”; after that one bend it was about 1700m to the next corner 🤣. So any way I finish-ish, drag my butt around in the grass on the farm field like a dog with worms, get up and then have to run through the fields cutting around them in a big loop to get ahead of them back to the house without being spotted.. I have never run so fast in my life. Fortunately neither of them realised and my wife found it hilarious when I told her about what had happened after her boss had left our place.
    Last edited by Kick-hat-snare; 09-24-2020, 11:16 PM.
    I’m Luke... a GN equal opportunity offender.

    Comment


      #4
      I shit myself pretty good in the hospital last week ,
      was sitting in chair after walking to help pass gas
      a few nice farts lulled me into thinking I was safe .
      I just got up threw the soiled stuff in container fired up the shower and hosed off .

      Comment


        #5
        I just had heart surgery three days ago. I am fucked up like never before. Today I had another dude jam his fingers up my ass to pull turds out. I don’t know who was more humbled.

        Comment


          #6
          Hope you both heal quickly....

          Comment


            #7
            Originally posted by poopypants View Post
            I just had heart surgery three days ago. I am fucked up like never before. Today I had another dude jam his fingers up my ass to pull turds out. I don’t know who was more humbled.
            Holy crap , heart surgery !! Get better man , we need you still .

            Comment


              #8
              Originally posted by poopypants View Post
              Today I had another dude jam his fingers up my ass
              This reads as if having fingers jammed up your ass is a regular thing.

              But seriously, how's the ticker?

              <insert_something_clever_here>

              Comment


                #9
                It was a valve job. It had been leaky for years but then I went into afib so they fecided it was time to replace it. Came on kind of fast. They sawed through my sternum and inserted a new valve made from cow tissue; a Beefheart if you will. I get to go home later this week.

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                  #10
                  But getting back to the greatest shit stories ever told, this may not be the greatest story, but it’s the best told story:

                  https://youtu.be/3hks_t-HzSc

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                    #11
                    I recorded this years ago

                    Comment


                      #12
                      Late 80's, an old bass player, who has since been diagnosed with IBS, gets woken up one early morning after playing by his now wife and she asks, "Did you just shit your pants?"

                      He said, I reached around, pulled down my spandos (spandex) and replied, "By golly I sure did!" Pulled up my pants and went back to sleep....

                      Comment


                        #13
                        Originally posted by poopypants View Post
                        I just had heart surgery three days ago. I am fucked up like never before. Today I had another dude jam his fingers up my ass to pull turds out. I don’t know who was more humbled.
                        What the........

                        Comment


                          #14
                          I don’t have one, but Hall of Famer George Brett does.


                           

                          Comment


                            #15
                            Originally posted by dale w miller View Post

                            What the........
                            When impacted like that, you don't care. The surgery and the drugs shut your tract down and you end up with a bowling ball stuck in you. I was begging for help.

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